Please don't be a bitch. That's supposed to be my job. 8:37 PM Jul 5th
Please, when it comes to fireworks, just blow your load. I don't give a shit about foreplay. 10:17 PM Jul 4th
Please don’t make allusions to what we’ll do together in a month on our first date. 10:40 AM Jul 3rd
Please don't think "I'm sorry you feel that way" is an adequate apology. 5:13 PM Jul 1st
Please know how to drive your R8. I'd prefer not to pass you when I'm trying to deify you. 10:11 PM Jun 30th
Please don't try to fit me in the cracks of your life like I'm an ice cream sundae after a big meal. 11:58 AM Jun 30th
Please tweet what you ate for breakfast. (Zzzzzz...) 2:20 PM Jun 29th
Please don't insist on helping me move & then lower my desk over the balcony by a thin rope. I didn't enjoy watching it destruct in midair. 10:54 AM Jun 29th
Please do not use people as your contingency plan. 7:54 PM Jun 28th
Please don't start off as the great guy when you meet a girl if your resting point is mediocrity. It's false advertising. 12:22 AM Jun 28th
Please do not discount the power of good hygiene. 12:43 PM Jun 27th
