Please don't say something dicked and follow it up with, "I was just being honest!" Doesn't mean you're not a dick. 10:38 PM Jun 21st
Please don't tell me if you're going to do #1 or #2 in the bathroom. The reading material you're taking in lets me know anyway. 6:53 PM Jun 21st
Please don't tell me you can't date me because I'm Buddhist. I may never stop laughing. 3:44 PM Jun 21st
Please have a good reason for that shopping cart in your backyard cause it's putting me on high alert. 12:15 PM Jun 21st
Please walk on the street side. Please tell your friends to walk on the street side. It's a nice manly thing to do. 10:51 PM Jun 20th
Please don’t attempt to impress me by saying you used your Thighmaster 400 times. 8:48 AM Jun 19th
Please be nice to me even if you know it probably isn't going to result in sex. Actually, that is sexy. Go figure. 2:43 PM Jun 15th
Please eradicate the word "preggers" from your vocabulary. 12:57 PM Jun 15th
Please do not use Twitter as a way to report how drunk/high you are. If you are drunk/high I still expect you to say something interesting. 4:54 PM Jun 14th
Please understand that I use my iPod as a social buffer. If it's on, don't talk to me...unless you're Mark Wahlberg or certain pro atheletes. 11:55 AM Jun 14th
Please, if presented with the opportunity, hump that tiger. 9:39 AM Jun 13th
